Wednesday, January 18, 2017

My Crystal Ball is Backordered

A while back I had read a Simon Bond article, "7 Tips for Doing Crystal Ball Refraction Photography." I think I had happened upon a link to the article from Light Stalking (lightstalking.com)and somehow managed to follow my way over to DigitalPhotographySchool.com to read the actual article. Simon Bond has a small series of these how to articles on crystal ball photography if you too are interested in going down that path, I might recommend them, that is to say, I might recommend them if I had an actual crystal ball. You see, the first article in the series was helpful enough, as it addressed, well, the actual acquisition of said ball o'crystal. It even had a lovely link to an actual crystal ball that you could purchase for crystal ball refraction photography on Amazon.com. Seriously. Like, who thinks of these things? Wonderful Simon Bond thought of everything so I, along with say 20 million other people happily clicked through, following the link to purchase said ball o'crystal. All well and good, as you can now imagine gobs of crystal ball wielding photographers basking in landscapes of the round all over the globe or at least the outer reaches of  DigitalPhotographySchool.com. I envisioned Amazon.com trucks everywhere, bogged down under the weight of an unusually large stream of crystal ball deliveries, almost hearing the cries of weighted down UPS drivers screaming out insults like, "here's your damn ball, you wanker!" under their breath while calmly asking us to, "please sign here." (There is a certain joy in the kingdom of the round, is there not? Well, maybe so long as you don't drive a truck for Amazon.com that is.)

You can probably imagine how this is going to end but I thought I might fill you in just for grins and giggles. I happily clicked on the link, plunking down the hard earned twenty seven bucks in order to secure my very own crystal ball, complete with wooden stand. (I've since learned that no crystal ball is in fact complete without said wooden stand. Who knew these things? No I, that's for sure, not I.) Now, at this point, one might think that I'm out basking in the glow of the round, running through fields of happy little dew drops, refracting everything until my cold black heart is content yet again or at least, you know, more round than it was yesterday. You might think that, yes, but you would be in fact wrong. No you see thanks to the wonders of the Internet, Simon Bond, DigitalPhotographySchool.com and Light Stalking, horror of horrors, the crystal ball (complete with wooden stand!) is now on back order. Yes, snowflakes, I hate to admit it but my wonderful purchase of a twenty seven dollar crystal ball complete with wooden stand as selected back on December 7th, 2016, has been put on none other than the dreadful back order. It hasn't just been put on back order, no, it's been back ordered about sixteen times since the middle of December. Today, in fact, it's pathetic tracking status reads "Arriving January 19-21" which sounds quite promising until you read the additional follow-on note that announces, "Preparing for shipment." It's gotten so bad and so frankly laughable that I'm actually starting to think they really don't make crystal balls (complete with wooden stand!) at all. No, I'm starting to think they are remnants of gypsies and days gone by, relegated to that old dust heap of silent movies and AM radio stations. Don't all modern day phychics use the Internet now anyway? I mean, like who actually uses a crystal ball nowadays besides like, say, a random bunch of refracting photographers? No, I've in fact started to believe in my very heart of hearts that this, why, it's not going to end well (not for me and probably not for the back ordered ball either come to think of it. The wooden stand might make out OK though. Here's hoping, right?)

My crystal ball is back ordered. Now, who didn't see that coming? Actually, come to think of it, how could I have seen that coming since, well, I don't yet have anything to gaze into to tell me all about it.

Oh the humanity! I wish I could say I'm having a ball but like I'm not, OK? (Nope. No balls in this joint!)

Until next time...

PS This image from Dakota, taken with the Canon 5DS and the walkabout lens, no crystal balls in sight, at least not as far as I could tell.

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