Tuesday, November 01, 2005

This is not a House in Bartlett, Texas


GD-HiddenWindow, originally uploaded by carolWorldLeader.

This is not a house in Bartlett, Texas and, as far as I know, Nick Cage doesn't live here either.

Speaking of our favorite little hidden hamlet of Williamson County, for those who have not been following the news, the Mayor of Bartlett, Texas has been arrested recently on DUI and money laundering charges.

An interesting thing about small Texas towns, as is the case in Bartlett, often times the mayor is also the fire chief, the school board president, the police capitan, and the head of the PTA (and that's, typically, just for starters.) He probably also ownes the local Texaco along with more than his fair share of billy goats ("Texas, it's like a whole 'nother country.")

For those who have been following the case, it's turned into something almost amusing (well, it would be amusing if it weren't so darn TRUE.)

The mayor, you see, took a jaunt down to Travis County (land where he does NOT reign supreme and, I'd guess, more people than not have seen Nick Cage movies as opposed to owning multiple billy goats.) Anyway, while he was, ahem, "jaunting," he got pulled over on a DUI and wasn't able to channel my Nick Cage-eating TiVo long enough to act all sober on us ("Damn it, those peons in Travis County keep moving that dotted white line. You honestly expect me to heel-to-toe this!") After further investigation into his, ahem, esteemed business dealings (schnanagins) it was discovered that he's also been laundering money (and I don't mean at the local washateria, which he probably owns as well, ok?) The Texas Rangers (no, they aren't just a baseball team anymore) had to step in and take him down-seeing as he's also police chief and, since this is Texas, probably owns more than his fair share of large caliber side arms (he's got to have something to protect himself from all those free roaming billy goat's, right?)

Recent humerous headlines on the topic read, "Mayor of Bartlett Denied Ankle Braclet" (the Travis County Judge, in his infinite wisdom, denied the mayor's request for "roaming" bail, choosing to not grant him an electronic monitoring ankle braclet the likes of which, I take it, are reserved for more "hardened" criminals-you know, the ones like Martha Stewart.) And, my favorite from today, "Mayor of Bartlett Asked to Leave Town." That's right. They're actually running him out of town, probably after meeting at midnight in front of the old saloon. (I couldn't make up stuff this good, believe me.)

Ah, democracy, justice, and the great American (Texan) way. Isn't it grand?

I don't really feel for the mayor at all, despite the fact that I've spent more than my fair share of time in Bartlett, Texas.

For those who don't know, my photography group (hey, photography "hoodlums" just doesn't have the same ring to it, ok?) used to frequent Bartlett shortly after they filmed a movie there. "The Stars Fell on Henrietta" was supposed to be Oscar worthy, never really made it out of the shoot, but left plenty of "way cool" (to use a Hollywood term) props behind for us to shoot, including, what looks like an authentic Wrigley's Chewing Gum mural circa 1950 (remember the Wrigley's girls? Well, they were cool, even if you don't.) Presumably, the movie did not star Nick Cage, although I can't be quite certain, seeing as it's another in a long chain of movies I'll probably never waste my time viewing (but, damn, I could kiss the prop master.) Why couldn't my TiVo be more productive and eat movies like this instead? I mean, wouldn't it go a long way to keeping them out of the general population? Nevermind the fact that they don't feature Jeffrey Dahmer in a starring role, they were set in a location that's now got a mayor/police chief/goat master on the lamb, doesn't that count for something?

I just wonder who's going to get custody of all those billy goats when all is said and done and the mayor has to turn in his 1400 shotguns and his little gold sherif's star.

Until next felony...

4 comments:

Ace said...

How ignorant can you possibly be? Sounds like someone who has no problem talking trash for a good laugh from afar but having no idea of what really goes on. Stay in Cedar Park, sip on your $8 a cup Starbucks Coffee, and stick to talking about things you have a clue about

Anonymous said...

Bartlett IS the best little town in Texas! I'm sorry that you, Carol have nothing better to do with you time than to "Dig" in the garbage of our former mayor. I have found in my living that people who do things such as write about someone elses misfortune leads a very boring life! I must also advise you to keep your dirty little secrets hidden so that no one has the chance to write about you. In your little posting I notice that you didn't say how many jobs Mayor H opened up for the citizens in Bartlett or how wonderful it is to ride down the streets of Bartlett without having to worry about how much it's going to cost to fix your car after hitting pot holes (They aren't there anymore). Thanks Mayor H you did many good things for OUR city and although some things could have been handled differently you were still a blessing to many of us!! Carol stay in your little world and research a little further before you decide to produce junk like this again, those are not the facts of the story- are you jealous?

Carol said...

I'm glad that you like Bartlett. It's a nice town, I've been there before and enjoyed my stay.

You do realize that this isn't a news blog, right? I sometimes write fiction, humor, and other assorted stories. This posting was my reaction to a story the Statesman ran about Bartlett. I have no connection to the mayor, the former mayor or any official in the story. I like to leave the politics to the politicians but laugh at them when I can.

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous said...

IT IS A SHAME AFTER THE MOVIE SET LEFT FROM THE STARS FELL OVER HENERIETTA THAT THE FOLKS WHO OWN THE BUILDINGS DIDN'T BUILD BARTLETT UP WITH QUAINT SHOPS,HOTELS OR BED & BREAKFAST AND EATERIES TO DRAW TOURISTS AND OR LOCALS. THE FRIENDSHIP FEST IS THE ONLY DRAW AT THIS POINT. WHY NOT BRING IN LOCAL, LASTING REVENUE?