Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Awe Phuck

Awe Phuck

I don't usually curse in this thing, but today's I'm devoting this to all the things that make me curse. Curses, curses, curses. Curses to you all, and to all a good night. If you're under 18 don't read this and then, when you do anyway, go off and phucking pretend you don't know what "phuck" means, ok?

The other day, while surfing the 'net on, I think, the Bam Margera message board, I happened across this gem: "I hope you die in a hotel fire." How lovely. Awe Phuck, I'm so glad we treat each other with the respect we deserve in such esteemed online forums. Awe phuck, that's what I get for hanging out with pre-pubescent whiney teenage punk rock wannabes who think that Dr. Martins are cool. Awe phuck, Dr. Martins are cool. Well, at least they are comfortable. They are some phucking comfortable boots. And the phucking wikiwiki tells me the Pope wears them when he goes hiking in the woods. Awe phuck, I don't want to be the one to tell the kiddies they can't be cool if the Pope's wearin' 'em.

Awe phuck, they never should have given the wikiwiki to the trillian users. Awe phuck, who thought it would be a good idea to give to a bunch of geeks an addictive but ubercool new, neat-o toy that requires the use of yer phucking thumbs to operate? Not phucking me, that's for phucking sure.

Did you hear about the phucking break up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston? Why is it that the phucking worst movies always seem to spawn the best gossip? Did you see that movie with Ben Affleck and J Lo? A lot of good gossip coming out of that one too. Awe phuck, I heard that was the most horrible movie ever made, good thing the gossip was so phucking good.

I believe it was Angelina Jolie who got too cuddly with Mr. Pitt during the lensing of Troy that started the snowball rolling. Sure, I'm sure some folks find it to be great news that Mr. Pitt is soon to be single again but, awe phuck, you've got to take out the likes of Angelina to get to him. Awe phuck, maybe it's just something about the name "Jennifer" that inspires men to dump you. At least they get dumped. Awe phuck, Carol's never get picked in the first place.

I got a package in the mail yesterday. Awe phuck, it wasn't the Tivo unit I was anticipating. Rather, it was a Moroccan lantern, brought to me by way of Philadelphia, PA. Awe phuck, can this thing possibly be authentic? I doubt it. Still, it looks pretty cool, although a tad larger than I thought it would be. It's actually pretty phucking big. Awe phuck, I really don't know how to spell Philadelphia but awe phuck, it looks close enough and you know what city I'm talking about anyway.

Awe phuck, those cursed Baked Goods People are at it again. Damn them. Damn them and their little phucking pastry pimping cart. I hope they all get phucking fat.

Speaking of phucking fat, have you noticed how some fat people like to call themselves "height weight proportional?" Awe phuck, why not just come out and say you have a fat ass? "Height weight proportional" my ass. Some of these same people like to think that, if you rolled them out and made them taller, they'd actually be thin. Awe phuck, they'd be twelve feet tall too. They'd be able to call that basketball player, Yao what's-his-name "shorty." Awe phuck, I can't remember his name.

Awe phuck, I didn't feel like writing anything real today, so this'll have to do. Awe phuck, if you took out all the "awe phucks" it might just BE a real writing, it's grown so phucking impressively long.

Awe phuck, it was fun while it lasted but it's over now.

Until next phucking time...

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