Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Ketchup and Other Condiments

Ketchup and Other Condiments

Ok, Ok, so I haven't had time to blog in a while. Ok, Ok, so it's done nothing but rain since I watched them put TREE in the yard. Ok, Ok, I haven't heard from Ted in a loooong time (and this, per se, is not a bad thing.) Ok, Ok, it's time to play ketchup and other condiments. Oh the horrors of where to start?

Maybe I should just give you a (boring) bulleted list of all the recent life changing, earth shattering, wave inducing events of the past few weeks. Ok, Ok, oxygen intake and HERE GOES:
  • I got a new job. I am no longer working for Sun Microsystems and will be working for Motive Communications (ney, just "motive" for ease of type.)
  • It's done nothing but RAIN since tree went into the ground. I have, in fact, yet to water tree, and he's growing quite nicely in the back yard, although he has yet to produce vast amounts of leaf-age. Apart from this, there's been flooding and TORNADOES in my neck of the woods. (Good thing I learned to duck and hide in the closet at an early age.)
  • I got a new imac. Yes, it's true, I'm a mac-a-holic and I'm not afraid to admit it. Damn! It's big and it's bad and it's UGLY in, of course, a good sort of way. It's 20 inches of pure bliss (and, yes, you *can* quote me on that.)

I have yet to surf in Denali. I have yet to venture forth into Madagascar. I have yet to order a scanner. Ah, isn't that just the wonder of life? So much has happened and yet I find myself in a spot where I must press on.

And, speaking of press on, I got a fake tattoo for like 10 minutes. It was a dragon. A really cool dragon. Almost made me want a REAL one, if you know what I mean.

This dragon's gonna fly! More later when I'm not so crazed (Ok, Ok, maybe when I'm still crazed but not so busy.)

Until next time...

PS My favorite condiment is: pickles! Pickles for you, my friend. Pickles for you! (Maybe, if I'm nice, with a side a green olives as well.)

Tuesday, November 09, 2004



So, I've been wanting to get a tree in my backyard for sometime now. I kept putting it off, for either lack of money or lack of the ability to decide where exactly to put a tree. The other day, I thought that, while I'm home, I would do something about this. So, I called the Geoscapes people and asked for a tree. I ordered a Bradford Pear tree which, I'm told, does not bear fruit (like a regular "pear" tree) but does bloom and "do something almost all the time." It's leaves turn red in the autumn and it's nice and full in the spring and summer anyway.

So, today we're sitting outside, with the dogs, watching the world go by, when my Dad spots this truck, it was a landscaper's truck. When I ordered the tree, I gave them my cell phone number and they said they'd call before delivering and putting in the tree. So, I chase the landscaper's truck down the block and, sure enough, it was about six guys with shovels and pick axes (not to mention the tree itself, which was in the back of the truck) looking for my home.

We go to the back yard, where I had marked off, with little "flags" the intended spot for the tree. The men start digging. The men keep digging. I swear I saw China down there. Either that, or they intentionally struck oil in the back. And so, I'm thinking, "Hmmm. They are digging an awefully big hold for a little tree." Since I'm thinking this, I decide to go check out the tree in the back of the truck. That's when I saw it.

It wasn't just "tree," it wasn't the 30 gallon bucket tree I had ordered. No this was a wopping 2 story monster of a tree. "It's a 95 gallon bucket tree," the guy tells me, "we didn't have anything else, so you got lucky."

(When I had called the lady said, "do you want 15 gallon, 30 gallon, or 45 gallon," and I got prices. "30 gallon," I decided upon, since I didn't want to pay double the money for a bigger tree.)

Well, now it's TREE. It's here, it's real, it's in my face. Actually, it's in my backyard. It's bigger than my backyard. Dragging it down the alley besides my house, they almost scratched my neighbors SECOND STORY window with TREE. It's larger than life. I had hoped that, after putting in a 30 gallon tree, feeding it, watering it, and waiting for a few years, I would get some privacy in 5 years or so. Dang if you can see the next block now. All I can see is TREE. I had to water TREE tonight for several hours, since it's new, and it sopped up gallons of H2O.

I feel like I've won some sort of arbor lotto jackpot. I have a TREE so big, some kid three houses down was shouting, "hey, lookie the big TREE," as they were digging the hole to China and filling it with my newfound arbor lotto winnings. I am still expecting a man in a tabbed color shirt to come in the back door and join me for a spot of tea, guessing he'd be thirsty after such a long trek, all the way from China and all.

I wonder what kind of trees they have in China. I'm guessing at least a few 95 gallon "pears" but that's just a hunch.

Until next time...

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Election Day Blog

Election Day Blog

Greetings from the campaign trail!

Charlie's very tired, as it's been an especially long and grueling campaign. He was so far ahead in the polls too, until those danged "Swift Cats for Truth" came out against him. That, and that silly scandal with Dan Rather and his forged rabies vaccination certificates. How were we to know that him throwing back his purple heartworm pills would cause such a ruckus so many years later? I'll have to keep this in mind if I ever run for office myself. But, he's survived and I believe strongly that he's still the best candidate around.

What, you were going to vote for a pink-o commie or a right wing nut job? Pluh-lease. If Michael Moore knew what was good for him, he'd do a dog-umentary on "Faren-woof 9/11: the temperature at which dogs bark at everything under the sun." With VP Toby by his side, Charlie's about ready to be leader of the free world. He's promised dog biscuits for all and he will lower vet bills by not running into traffic. He'll do something about social security because, twelve is *very old* in "people years" and he's ready to come out and support the senior population. He hasn't been to Florida, but he once sniffed a poodle from there, so he knows the playing field and can count the hanging chads on one paw. He's not about ready to give up the fight.

Sound crazy? Well, maybe it is, but Charlie could turn out to be the "sleeper sensible" candidate on the ballot at an election polling place near you.

That is, if you could even *get to* an election polling place near you. The lines are so long, the competition so fierce, the nutcases out in force. Gosh, I hope the sheriff is armed to the teeth in my neck of the woods. They've already had scandals here involving the theft of ballots. And that was before we all knew what a chad really was.

As for me, I've cast my vote already. I waited in line, did my civic duty, blackened my appropriate ovals, and stuffed my ballot into the unassuming grey box along with the other fifty thousand or so other odd Williamson County Texas voters. We still have paper ballots, and I saw at least one law official packing a pistol so, despite this being the height of "crazy" season all over the globe, I have a little faith that, in fact, my vote might actually get counted.

And somebody, late at night, across town, is going to look up and say, "Charlie who?"

Until next time...